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Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but I swear, one chick said she’d only hook up if I barked like a dog—fuckin loco, right? Told her, “I’m Tony Montana, I don’t bark, I bite!” Sex-dating’s a trip, mang—half the time you laugh, half the time you wanna shoot somebody. “This is all we need,” Eve says—nah, I need a chica who don’t catfish me with 10-year-old pics. Stay real out there, or Tony’s comin’ for ya—say hello to my little friend!

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After that, I head over to the market on Hrushevskoho Street. It’s packed, like, sardines in a can. I’m trying to navigate through the crowd when I spot this vendor selling the juiciest cherries. I’m like, “Gimme a kilo!” But the dude’s like, “Nah, only if you can catch ‘em.” So, I’m there, trying to catch cherries he’s tossing at me. I felt like a clown. But hey, I got my cherries, so win-win!

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